Love or not I don't want you dead
by The So Not Sexy Bish
Summary: KaiCloud AU.
1. Chapter 1

AUTHORS NOTE: Yes a new story. And not a one-shot xD. Kaicloud is my personal obession. Don't like, don't read. Let me know what you think so far! :) XOXO

His arms were like a barricade around her. They showed no love, no caring. The love had long since gone. As she leaned against him, she was already planning. She couldn't keep him forever. The end would come soon enough anyways...and she would not be able to last through the pain. She knew she wouldn't. It would be easier to do it now..before feeling the real pain, she thought idly. It would be quick and painless, and she could stop pretending. Stop pretending he loved her. Stop pretending he wasn't going off to be with _her_ any chance he got. Stop pretending that any of it mattered. He still came home every night to go through the same routine. It was almost robotic. Even when they were like this, lounging comfortably on the couch, watching a movie, it was still cold and emotionless. He only did it for her benefit, for he knew her fragile state. Did he know that this was hurting her even more? She doubted so.

Every sane thought in her head told her not to. Told her to think, she would be hurting so many people. _Cloud will always feel guilty. Namine will miss you like crazy. And Riku and Sora, what about them? They both love you too! Don't do it._ The voices wouldn't quiet. But that did not make Kairi's determination waver. She knew. It was pointless. After a few weeks, her death would merely be a memory to them. They'd get over it, like they got over so many other deaths. It was easy. They could forget about her. _Cloud wants to leave anyways.._ she told herself over and over. This would make it easier for both of them.

Cloud, even if he did not want to be with Kairi any longer, still cared about her. He was just more caught up in his fling with Tifa. At least she showed him how she cared, or at least that's what he thought. Kairi had stopped, so had he. They gave up. They no longer wanted to be together, or at least Cloud didn't. But he had no clue how to leave her._ She's too weak. She can't handle it. If I have to, I'll stay with her forever, just so she can stay breathing._ He had no clue she was already planning just the opposite.

As the two of them become lost in thought, they both slowly start to miss when they first met. When everything was innocent. When nothing was this bad. When color still rose to their cheeks every second they were around each other. When they were in love. That came to fade quickly after marriage, and neither had any clue why. The love just stopped, and they became like this. Cold.

The darkness covered the outside of the house. Pitch-black. It was well past midnight. But neither Cloud nor Kairi wanted to move. Kairi, barely paying attention to the movie they were watching, was groping for any more minutes she could have with Cloud, even if it were like this. Cloud, when it became too late to stay up any longer, leaned forward and whispered in Kairi's ear just loud enough for her to be able to hear. "We better go to sleep now Kai. It's really late..." He murmured softly, almost falling asleep. She nodded, and slowly broke out of his clutch, ambling off to bed. Cloud, following suit, drifted off into his own world again. He had no clue that tomorrow he would be fighting to keep the fragile girl in front of him alive, because of his actions.


	2. Chapter 2

He could feel her warm blood rushing through his hands. The pressure he was applying wasn't making a difference. She was dying in his hands.

Cloud's head was killing him and he could barely see through his tears. _Was she really....dying? _ It seemed impossible. She had lasted through so much, only to kill herself? He couldn't grasp it.

Once Cloud finally realized how dire the situation was, he picked up his dying wife and ran to the nearest hospital, still trying to keep the useless pressure on the 'wound'.

Doctors ran to him once he entered the emergency room, seeing the blood. They took her from him and rushed her to surgery, while he was left in the waiting room.

All he could think was that it was his fault. She would still be alive if he hadn't left for Tifa's…

_(flashback)_

_Cloud had woken up and gotten dressed. It was a normal Saturday for him, get up, get dressed, make up an excuse to Kairi and go to Tifa's. He found no reason to veer from his routine. _

"_Hey, Reno wants me for some job he has to do. I'll be back in a few hours, okay Kai?" Cloud had made up yet another lie, and it came to him as easy as if he was reading it from a book._

_Kairi only smiled sadly and nodded, knowing what he was really going to do. She waited until he closed the door behind him, and went to the kitchen to find the gun. Kairi knew where it was always kept; she had pushed Cloud to get it for protection. It was going to serve an opposite purpose now. She grabbed it from the top shelf of the cabinets, behind the tall cups and in a safety box. 'What's the point of this stupid box being hidden anyways? It's not like Cloud ever wanted us to have kids..' she thought dully. After entering the combination, she took the gun, pointed it at her stomach and shot herself. Everything went black._

_Had it just been chance that Cloud's motorcycle was giving him a hard time when she shot? Whatever the reason may be; he heard it and ran inside, just in time to see Kairi fall to the floor. No suicide note. Nothing. Just her slowly dying body on the hard, cold tile._

Cloud waited for hours. And hours. It was interminable. He kept hoping she was alive, but somewhere, somewhere inside him, something was telling him it was over. She was dead.

Finally, after a wait of over twelve hours, a doctor came into the waiting. His name tag read Dr. Gray and his aged face looked grim. _That _didn't help Cloud's hope at all. Dr. Gray's eyes skimmed over the room, trying to figure out who he was looking for.

"Mr. Strife?" Dr. Gray asked, still looking around uncertainly.

"Yeah that's me. Is she....?" Cloud questioned; not bothering to finish the sentence, for he was afraid of the answer. The doctor turned to him, his face still grim.

"No…not yet at least."

"…Yet?!" Cloud practically screamed. He couldn't handle this.

"Yes, yet. I don't want to give you false hope…here, let's talk somewhere more private. " The doctor brought him out of the waiting room and into Kairi's hospital room. She looked like she was dead from how pale she looked. Even being unconscious, she looked to be in pain.

"Okay, as I was saying, yes, she's not dead _not yet._ Your wife shot herself in the stomach, Mr. Strife. She's so lucky to even be alive now. There is a distinct possibility that she _will_ die within the next week or so. If she somehow manages to survive the week, she will most likely live. But the chance is very slim. I'm not trying to be cruel. It's the sad truth. Oh...I might as well tell you now...did you know of your wife's…medical condition?"

Cloud was hating this doctor already. He couldn't even give him a sliver of hope? No. This doctor was basically telling him that Kairi was going to die, like it or not. But the question confused him. _Medical condition?_

"What condition?" Cloud demanded, not in the mood for courtesies.

"Ah so you didn't…You probably wouldn't even know, it was very early on..."

"WHAT CONDITION?!" Cloud hollered, already wanting to wrap his fingers around the doctor's neck. The doctor cautiously took a step backwards before explaining.

"Well Mr. Strife, your wife was anywhere from three to seven weeks pregnant. With the angle she shot at, the embryo didn't have a chance. She may not be able to have kids again either."

Cloud stumbled back in surprise. _Dr. Gray had to be lying...right?_

"..What,,?" He asked thickly, still refusing to believe it.

"..I'll give you a chance to let things settle. A nurse will be in here to constantly monitor her condition. I'm sorry Mr. Strife."

Cloud just stood there, staring at Kairi in shock. She was suicidal and he hadn't noticed. She was pregnant and either didn't tell him or didn't know herself. Now their possibly only chance at having children was gone, and she was almost gone too. And it was his entire fault. Cloud couldn't help it. He let a few tears slide down his cheek. _It's over..._ He gently pulled back some of Kairi's hair behind her ear, as she always wore it and kissed her forehead before collapsing in the chair next to her bed. _I wish I could just rewind the clock….._

_A/N: YAY EMO CLOUD. –shot- OKAY SO YEAH. I don't like this chapter much, to be honest xD. I could have done much better, I know I could have. But I'm lazy. So yeah. You get what you get? 8D? Uh I hope the next chapter will be better xD. I'll probably change the title of this soon…AGAIN XD. I told you guys I fail at titles :P. Hm. So review? Please please. Pretty please. Or no next chapter. And I suggest you put me on authors alert, or if I change the title you might not be able to find the story again xD._


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